Pro-Active Prevention Education

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copyright 2013

Most of us begin a relationship with enthusiasm, love, lust or something else.  But somewhere along the way, those feelings can change. How long did it take before you or your mate started to complain and your life at home started to become uncomfortable?   Not feeling comfortable at home is a problem that can be experienced by both males and females.  We know that traditionally it’s always been the females that have been accused of complaining, but men can be equally as annoying.   In my years both as a youth and mature man, I have witnessed moments and heard many stories from both sexes.  What I find interesting is the amount of anger and emotional punishment we can dish out in our own homes.

What should our home life be like?  The answer depends on your own choices and your upbringing.  It depends on whether it was peaceful or stressful.  If you were unhappy, uncomfortable or abused, your beliefs today can be socially slanted.  Can you remember as a kid how it felt coming home to a setting that did not make you feel good, but it was the only place you could go? As an adult I have had that feeling.  So obviously the feeling is not limited to age, it can impact anyone.  The best way for me to describe the feeling is to imagine being incarcerated and the guard is your agitator.  You can’t escape because you’re already at home.  Let’s call it “RELATIONSHIP INCARCERATION”.  It’s that feeling of I must go home but home is where I feel the most miserable.

This is how a friend of mine described being in a relationship where she felt incarcerated.  She worked long hours and found other things to do all to avoid coming home.  Each day as she pulled into her driveway, a feeling of dread would overtake her.  It moved from the tip of her head and made its way down to her toes.  As she put her key into the door; she would take a deep breath before turning to open it because she never knew what the mood of the person waiting on the other side was going to be.  When she closed the door behind her, it always seemed to mimic the loud clanking of a prison door.  She’d muster up a smile and a pleasant greeting only to be met with complaints and hostility.  Nothing she said or did mattered.  The person she was married to just never seemed happy or satisfied and everything was always her fault.

Why do we feel so bad at home sometimes?  I believe the most common issue is excessive verbalization (too much complaining and harsh words).  The next thing is probably physical assaults or the threat of assaults.  What makes a person attack verbally or physically? The selfish reasons are too many to name, however control is a major issue.  This is a moment for you to look at your home environment.  Do you find a reason to complain about one or more things almost daily?  What is the reaction from the person you target with your complaints?  If the person appears to give no resistance, how long do you think you can continue before the relationship is strained or it fails?  When someone chooses to leave the relationship the other party usually doesn’t want it to end.   Should everyone feel comfortable and safe at home?  The answer is certainly yes!  What can you do to improve the environment at your house?

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