ANGER AND INFIDELITY

Infidelity is common and can be very painful to one or both parties in a relationship. When infidelity has taken place, the person who feels betrayed by their mate can be left feeling extremely hurt and angry.

Anger is the secondary emotion, yet it is the first emotion we display when we feel let down and betrayed. It is expressed more easily than the emotion of hurt or embarrassment.

During a moment such as this, your emotional presentation is so important. Every person in your household can be negatively impacted and family stability can depend on how you and your mate chose to handle yourselves. Most often neither person in the relationship truly understands the impact on other family members. How both parties respond to the infidelity issue and the anger that follows is detrimental in determining the paths your life as well as the lives of those you are responsible for can take next. Even if the person committing the betrayal or the person on the receiving end had pre-thoughts about what they would do or how they would handle this moment if it ever occurred, they can still not be prepared for the experience.

Let’s talk about How you can best start to handle “your” hurt.

First, allow yourself to have your own personal moments to digest what has happened. Don’t dive into the why at this point because the person who has betrayed your trust may have a totally different rationale for his or her behavior and may not be able to articulate the why just yet. The person betrayed can experience extreme anger and it’s so important to resist the temptation to act out all the payback scenarios circulating in your mind at this time. If you’re unsure at this point about whether you will remain in the relationship, the less damage you cause based on the reaction to your hurt and anger, the better chance you have of salvaging and repairing your relationship if this is your choice. 

In some cases, the person who hurt you may also be hurting because of seeing the hurt, anguish, and possible humiliation, their actions have caused you. 

Second, when you are ready, try to have a reasonably calm conversation about what has occurred.  If you are the offending party, allow the other person to convey to you how they feel without blaming or discounting his/her emotions. This can sometimes only make the situation worse. If you are the one who has been offended, think through if you really want to know every detail at this point. This information may only cause you even more anguish. 

Third, whether you decide to work through it or leave, do your best to stay as grounded as you possibly can.  This means before you act on that angry thought, think through as many realistic scenarios that can occur based on those actions. Will you harm yourself or family while trying to harm the person or persons who hurt you, could your actions cost you your freedom because of physical harm to someone else or their property?

Uncontrolled anger due to infidelity can result in severe physical and emotional damage that you can’t recover from. Often the ripple effects linger long after the event ends.  In many instances, over time, partners can remain together or reestablish a lost relationship. The recovery greatly can depend on acts that take place when you are angry. Consider what is lost and what will happen next.

The key is to think first, choose your words and actions carefully! Your mental strength can save a lifetime of additional emotional pain for many people

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